Rihanna gave me the best advice about embracing my "mom bod"
Even if you aren't a mom, her body positive message is worth knowing.
I hate what I’m about to admit—but for the last two years, I’ve had a difficult time finding comfort in my new “mom bod.” On a vanity level, I’m not happy with my fupa—you know, the extra loose skin around your pelvic area that expands and grows to house your baby. (Listen, I wish I could be like Beyoncé and easily accept it but that’s not my reality).
On a deeper, internal level, I just don’t feel the same. It’s been hard to embrace the changes in my body when I was so used to how it looked, worked, and felt before. I could easily run three miles or slip into dresses that shaped my petite frame and fit my proportions. But now, between my fluctuating sizes, back and knee pain, and weightier boobs, I just don’t recognize my body as my own.
I could easily blame the fact that I’ve gotten older and I’m not in my twenties anymore. However, I can’t deny that becoming a mother not only changed the function of my body, but my relationship to it.
I know I should be celebrating the miraculous transformation my body did throughout the course of nine months, as well as the postpartum period (Like how does our body know to produce freakin’ milk?!!). Yet, I haven’t celebrated it. I’m too hyper-focused on my appearance and the snapback I was supposed to achieve long ago. After all, we live in an Ozempic- and youth-obsessed world, so it’s easy to feel like you aren’t living up to society’s beauty standard—no matter how unrealistic, impossible, and toxic it is.
I know, I know. My body literally moved organs, created new ones, and gave life to my son and I’m worried about a little mom pooch. It’s beyond comical…but I’m one laugh away from crying.
Since I’ve been on this journey of navigating my new body and what it means to experience this change, I sometimes bring it up in conversation with other moms. Whether it’s to not feel alone or get advice, it’s a topic I crave to discuss more.
So, when I interviewed Rihanna for her new Savage x Fenty collection and she started talking about motherhood, I wanted to ask how she’s found comfort in her body. After all, she’s the epitome of confidence and exudes that whole “love the skin you’re in” mentality. But before I jumped into a personal conversation about her body, I did a vibe check.
Luckily, we had started on the right foot, with her literally complimenting my high heels. Then, she noticed my Scorpio earrings and we started talking about being water signs (she’s a Pisces, I’m a Scorpio) and what it’s been like raising sons. (“It’s fun, but it’s nuts,” she told me. “It’s a jungle. It is not for the weak, girl.”)
After chit-chatting for a few minutes after the interview, I finally dared to ask: How did you find comfort in your body after motherhood? It’s something I’m still struggling with years later.
Who would’ve thought that Rihanna’s response would completely change my perspective?
“My advice is to stop trying to ‘feel’ like yourself again,” she said. “That’s never happening again. Your reality is you’re a mom. You have kids, your body did amazing, magical, miraculous things—it’s to be celebrated.”
She continued, “Not every day, you’re going to be comfortable. As a matter of fact, most women’s insecurities happen after they have kids because they don’t even remember what their body used to be. Even if their body ‘snaps back,’ it’s like, ‘Who am I in this body? Who am I in this life, in this day? I’m in the kitchen, but it’s with a kid. [I’m in] this bedroom, but with a kid. It’s bath time, but the bassinet is right out there and I’m clearing the fog to make sure he’s still breathing. It’s that.”
She hit me with one final high note.
“Your life is never going to be the same,” she said. “Embrace that and celebrate it. We miss that part the most: Celebrating it.”
And that’s when the light bulb went off. 💡 Instead of living in the present, enjoying the health, stamina, strength, and vitality I have now, I’m trying to get to a place that only exists in the past.
Realizing that my body will never be the same as before is such a simple, obvious concept. Yet, I needed Rihanna to shake me from the daydream. And I will forever cherish the fact that she told me the truth. She didn’t tell me to get on Ozempic, do some waist-training, or throw on a filter to hide my pooch in photos. She didn’t give me a pageant answer or some fairytale fantasy, instead, she kept it real and kept me in check.
And now, I’m sharing her words of wisdom because even if you aren’t a mom, it’s important to understand that your body will evolve as you get older—and it’s not only normal but what makes us human.